Happines

Lately I've been feeling happy down to my toes. A kind of tickle in my stomach when I wake up and go to sleep.A kind of 'wow' for life itself.A kind of existential joy and gratitude. As if every second I'm here is a gift to enjoy.I can think of all sorts of reasons...

Dark power.

I lay in bed. He came. I texted him that things weren't going so well.And then I know it's true again: that which I had felt a while ago from my clear knowledge, but which I had forgotten a bit.It's the fear of my 'dark power'.It is the memory that my 'dark power' was...

The frightened girl behind the iron wall.

As I read the book, and read how she is afraid of love, how she fights against love: tears come to my eyes.It touches me, because I recognize myself at some moments in the past few days.The vulnerability of really giving myself, my heart and sexuality. The sheer...

Claiming back sexuality

For years I did it too, I gave away my yoni. Without me realizing it. I had sx where I didn't even question IF I wanted it, that question just didn't exist. ** The thing that touches me most of all is sexual violence, abuse, rape. Every time I see how a huge blow this...

I AM LOVE

I AM LOVE Once Rakesh broke up with me. He then chose to continue with his ex. This came to me like a hammer. I remember how upset I was. I also remember that it felt as if I had lost love, lost it. A time of great missing came. In fact, that missing did not go away...

Last night

Last night. I lay in bed. "He soon comes with me." I think. I'm looking forward.   And then he doesn't come. For me it takes a very long time. And then something happens in me. I'm closing. The feeling of rejoicing turns 90 degrees and gives way to a feeling of...

He Stays

There I am on the dance floor. With a blindfold. The man who dances me holds me in a way that I find unpleasant … and I feel a ‘no’ welling up. It is time that I stand up for this, and show him with my hands that I don’t want to be touched. All kinds of fears shoot...

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